I miss many things about being a pastor, but one of the greatest things I miss is participating in a couple’s wedding ceremony. Months and months of planning and dreaming and hoping have finally come together. The cake has been made, the guests selected and invited, the church reserved, the honeymoon planned and greatly anticipated, the wedding vows agreed upon, the music for the first dance chosen and danced to a hundred times, and the all very important decision of who sits next to Uncle Willard at the reception has been decided. It is now time to get married!
As the ceremony comes to an end I make the following proclamation:
“Because you have vowed your love before God and those gathered here today, having pledged your commitment to each other as now symbolized by the rings you have exchanged, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride!”
In that moment a miracle takes place. Something that didn’t exist now exists. Two wonderful, imperfect, oftentime a little naïve people say “I do” and a marriage is created. I get shivers up my spine just writing about that beautiful moment. The rest of the evening is spent celebrating this commitment of love by laughing and dancing and toasting and eating and drinking.
Now the real work begins. While marriage is a wonderful and beautiful thing, it is also requires, in fact demands, hard work and commitment. Near the beginning of most wedding messages I perform I will say something like this: “Marriage is a lot like using chop sticks or riding a bike or doing a handspring. It looks easy until you try it.” It takes practice. It requires patience. It always hopes and perseveres through both the good and the bad. It will often require asking for forgiveness and extending the same to your spouse. Marriage is a commitment to stay in love with the person you marry, even when it is a struggle. Someone once wrote,
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
I have been married to my bride now for 33 years and I am still in love with her. In those 33 years we have had many opportunities and seasons to fall in love with each other all over again. We found this to be especially true as we cared for our son, David. While marriage requires hard work for anyone who is married, it is especially true for parents who are raising and caring for a child with special needs or struggling with a life threatening medical condition.
I read a great blog a few days ago that asked the following question to parents of children who have a disability: “What is one thing you feel is the biggest challenge in marriage?” I am going to list the answers they gave and at the end give you the link to the blog. For each of the challenges the author lists some tips and resources to help overcome that challenge.
Common Challenges Faced By Parents of Special Needs Children
- Different Parenting Styles
- Lack of Privacy
- No time alone or date night
- Lack of Intimacy
- Lack of energy
- Balancing Life
- Communication
- Not having people who provide respite
- Lack of sleep
- Lack of family support
- Finances
I hope you take the time to read the whole blog. You can find it at https://themighty.com/2017/10/marriage-parenting-disabilities-support/
Would you add anything else to this list? Do you have any other tips or resources you could share with all of us?
Next week I want to talk about “The Crazy Cycle.” It’s something every married couple has experienced and needs to understand.