On Sunday I watched a video in our church that told the story of D’Brickashaw and Kirsten Ferguson. D’Brickashaw played left tackle for the NY Jets. Like many of us they started life out with the dream that they would get married, buy a house, have children and live happily ever after. Sadly brokenness entered their life when they discovered their baby didn’t have a heart beat at their first ultrasound. They were devastated. They wept, sought counsel, and held to the belief that God still loved them. Six months later they discovered they were pregnant again. As you can imagine they were overwhelmed with joy. The Fergusons were planning a trip to Israel and the doctors asked them to come in for an ultrasound before they went. As the nurses rubbed the jelly on her belly and watched the screen, the room went quiet. Their baby had died. Kirsten and D’Brickashaw were overwhelmed with grief. They were angry at God. They felt abandoned.
I am sure there have been many times you too have felt abandoned by God. As I watched the video I was brought back to several days in our journey of caring for David when I felt as if God has forgotten the Pfohl family. It felt as if he went silent. I went back to my first blog and found the following entry:
The silence of God is painful! We cry out in prayer, knowing He hears us, knowing he loves us….yet it feels as if He is standing far off, hiding his face, as we wrestle with a depth of sorrow we have never experienced before. It doesn’t make sense. It is raw… Sometimes for reasons beyond my imagination God remains silent. I hold David in my arms for hours on end as he cries, begging God for just a moment of rest and peace, but no reply. I plead that God would help the doctors discover the right combination of medicine to bring a peace and contentment to David’s life, but David still goes to bed yelling and crying every night. All I want is for David to not be in pain, yet my prayers seem to bounce back like an undeliverable piece of mail. http://davidpfohl.blogspot.com/2009/10/silence-of-god.html
So here is what we did:
- We yelled at God. We let him have it. He is big enough and loving enough to let me speak honestly with him. He can handle our anger.
- We talked with God. After venting our sadness and anger and frustration we continued to hold to the truth that God loves us and wanted the best for David.
- We waited for God. This was the tough one. Most often he brought his comfort through those who loved us and through specific verses and promises we clung to from the bible
After Kirsten lost her second baby a woman came up to her as she was obviously hurting and spoke five simple words, “God has not forgotten you.” “God has not forgotten you.” And the same is true for all of us. God has not forgotten you. I think this is why early on Brenda and I made the decision to tell every guest who stayed with us that God loves them. For if he loves us he surely has not forgotten us. Maybe today you need to yell, talk, and wait for God. While he may seem far off he isn’t. Give it a try.
The following is a verse Kirsten helds to through their painful journey:
“For I will comfort those I love and will have compassion on the afflicted ones. I will not forget you! I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”
If you want to see more of D’Brickashaw and Kirsten’s story here it is.