Dear David I Feel Helpless Today

One of the battles I struggled with as we cared for David was a sense of helplessness.  I couldn’t stop the disease from progressing, I couldn’t make David’s pain go away, and I often felt I was failing as a father.  A dad’s job is to protect their children from harm.  Sadly there was nothing I could do to protect David from the claws of Batten Disease.  I am grateful for my faith that would often remind me that while things feel and look like they are completely out of control, there is a God who is still in control.  He was my refuge when I had no where else to turn.

“Oh my people, trust in him at all times.  Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”  Psalm 62:8

Dear David,

Wow, what a rough two days.  In fact I would say they were the roughest we have had since you were diagnosed.  Dr. Mink thinks he went too high with your Triliptal and boy did it have a huge impact on you.  I don’t know if you remember, but you were in physical and emotional pain.  You were angry and constantly upset.  You didn’t know where you were.  You kept saying, “I just want to go home,” or “I want to go to jail.”  You didn’t know if you wanted to sit, lie down or walk.  You didn’t like it when people touched you.  It was horrible David.  Two nights ago it took you almost two hours to settle down and go to sleep.  Last night you slept well and today you seem much better.  David, I was so afraid for you and what else is before us.  I wanted to be brave, I didn’t want fear to overwhelm my faith in God, but it was too much.  I hated seeing Daniel and the emotional pain he was experiencing.  I hated knowing the struggle Brenda, your Momma, was experiencing, and there was nothing I could do about it.  I was helpless.  

I prayed for you.  I asked God to turn his attention to you.  I asked him to pour out his blessings on you.  I asked him to take away your pain.  And while I know God heard me, loves me, loved you, I still felt helpless.  I am still struggling with just feeling sad.  I can’t shake it.  I’m supposed to preach next weekend and I am a little concerned about my emotional state.

I miss your laughter David.  I miss your kidding around.  I miss seeing your smile.  I had a little peak into what it will be like in the future and I don’t like it.  David I chose today to acknowledge God is in control.  I claim and acknowledge that God is good and loving.  Well buddy, it is a quiet Saturday morning.  We have changed you a couple times already this morning.  Dan Edsall is coming to hang out with you.  I hope you have a good day.  I love you buddy.  Daddy

 


Alajuelita: Costa Rica

As you are sipping your coffee reading this blog Brenda and I are in Alajuelita, Costa Rica with our wonderful church, Turning Point Church on a short term mission trip.  We are joining with a local church, Iglesia, Cristiana Alajuelita, to help build a home for a wonderful family.  Karolina and her four children live in a rundown shack that has no floor.  We will pour cement, build walls, run wires and lights to show her the extravagant love of God.

Many of my friends have asked me why we chose to go on this trip with all the other things we already have on our plate.  Let me share a couple of them with you.

  1. Community: Brenda and I are still trying to get used to the fact that we are now “Floridians.”  We realize the best way to accomplish this is to begin building friendships and relationships with a new community of people.   A great way to do this is to join hands and serve others in need.   Here is a picture of the team we are going with.

 

  1. Service: We believe one of the greatest ways to serve Christ is to serve others in his name. There is a story in the New Testament where Jesus is commending a group of people for serving him faithfully.  He thanked them for feeding him and dressing him and giving him a cold glass of water when he was in need.  They asked him when did we do these things for you?   Look at what he says, “Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.”  (The Message)  As we serve Karolina and her children we are serving Christ.
  1. Faith: Alajuelita is one of the poorest barrios in Costa Rica. Some of the neighborhoods are dangerous, water unsafe to drink, and of course there will be a significant language barrier.  We know we are going to be stretched as we will have to trust in God to accomplish what at times seems to be the impossible.  It is all too easy to let your faith grow old and stale.  I am sure our time in Alajuelita will help freshen things up a bit.
  1. Focus: Serving others who are in greater need then yourself is one of the best ways to keep your focus on what really matters.  I am sure there are some of you are growing weary of the ongoing saga of our moving, selling homes, building homes, and on and on it goes.  I know I am!   We are praying and hoping a week in Costa Rica will “reboot” our hearts and minds to keep focused on what it really important in life.

Please pray for our safety, for our effectiveness, and for Karolina and her family to see, feel, and experience the love of God!